We're led to believe that women of a certain age simply lose interest in sex. According to this narrative, having children and settling into domestic bliss means that a typical midlife woman will come to prefer a quiet night with a good book to sexual intimacy with her partner.
But a survey published last week - which revealed that the majority of women over 50 are unsatisfied in the bedroom - has dramatically highlighted just how wrong these assumptions can be.
The poll found that 69 per cent of women were unhappy with their sex lives - with one in 20 (or 5 per cent) so starved of intimacy that they had considered paying for sex. Another 11 per cent admitted to having an affair to boost their love life.
As a psychiatrist who regularly hears couples talking about their deep unhappiness with their sex lives, I think that part of the problem is that we don't see older women as sexual beings.
As a result, many men give up trying to initiate sex, yet neither of them feels they can talk about this most delicate of subjects. Both sexes therefore find themselves bottling up their deep feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.
But this is not the only stumbling block.
What I found particularly interesting was that 44 per cent of the men surveyed admitted to avoiding sex because of erection problems. This is terribly sad because erectile dysfunction can be easily and successfully treated in most cases by lifestyle changes, medications or other treatments.
Even in situations where penetrative sex is not an option, there are plenty of other pleasurable ways couples can enjoy intimacy. But this would require a conversation and often neither party wants to address it.
Dr Max Pemberton found that 44 per cent of the men who were surveyed had admitted to avoiding sex because of erection problems
Men are simply too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about erection problems and women are mortified to admit they feel invisible. Of course, it's common for lust to wax and wane on both sides in a long-term relationship.
Waning confidence, hormone changes and other health issues can all play a role.
Yet when the result of a less frequent love life is feelings of isolation and even desperation, as this survey underlined, then there are clearly communication issues to be resolved.
Here are suggestions to help:
Choose your moment
It's essential to find a private, comfortable setting with no distractions. You won't be able to have a meaningful conversation as you're heading out of the door to work or if the TV is blaring.
And you'll do more harm than good to raise the matter if you're in the middle of a row or you are in bed and are feeling rejected.
Instead, consider a casual and more relaxed setting like a leisurely weekend breakfast.
Another good idea is to bring it up on a walk, where you can talk shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face - which can often feel confrontational.
Don't be accusing
my website: 2k10 đụ nhau